It's always a sad thing when I have to delete a number on my phone, because that person is gone:
Chelo Zamora, Francis Magalona, Tita Noly, Gerdie Francisco.
I met Gerdie through my friend Lia, her former schoolmate who visited Gerdie frequently and donated blood to her. She led me to Gerdie's blog where I followed her bout with cancer.
I visited Gerdie at home once and was able to say goodbye to her at Cardinal Santos Hospital before I left for Singapore this month.
I asked her to look for my cousin in heaven, tell her I miss her and I'm sorry I wasn't able to say goodbye.
Gerdie died on May 27, 2010, a few days after her 43rd birthday.
Last January 2010, Gerdie allowed me to interview her about her journey. At that time she asked me not to publish it because she wanted to make some changes, but she was never able to do it.
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Gerdie, what exactly do you have and how would you explain it in layman's terms?I'm afflicted with Periampullary Cancer (also considered Pancreatic Cancer). It's a rare type of cancer where the primary tumor was found in the Ampulla de Vater. This body part is found where the bile duct and pancreatic duct fuses together.
How did you find out and what were the symptoms?I had breakfast on March 1, 2008. After 30 minutes, i felt this stomach pain that somehow emanated to the back. I thought it was one of those days when I'd be hit by the usual stomach ache I've had since I was a child. Usually due to gas or hyperacidity. However, this time, the pain didn't go away. I still forced myself to go to work but halfway through, I just couldn't stand it that I decided to go home and have my housemates bring me to the hospital. When I reached home, I vomitted all I've eaten in the morning. I then thought it could be food poisoning. After that, I couldn't sip water or have any intake as I would vomit it. Medicine included. Prior to this incident, there were no symptoms.
When I got to the hospital, the emergency doctor gave me a pain killer through IV. It dulled the pain but it wouldn't go away. So the doctor tested my pancreatic enzymes. They were soaring high.
I was diagnosed of having pancreatitis. I wasn't allowed to leave the hospital but there was no room available so I asked to be transferred to Medical City. More tests were done and doctors saw that my gall bladder was inflamed. MRI/MRCP tests showed a stone blocking my billary duct. It is what caused my pancreas and my gall bladder to swell (not because of alcohol, as I rarely drink). Bile was not going down to the duodenum and I was turning yellow.
Initially, surgery would be the option to remove the stone and the infected gall bladder but eventually, my surgeon, Dr. Augusto Sarmiento, suggested that the ideal procedure was to remove the stone through ERCP and the gall bladder through surgery.
I underwent ERCP. It is amazing how technology has helped science tremendously. Doctors are able to probe and see your inner organs. Well, from what I was told, this tiny scope couldn't get past my common bile duct. A mass blocked it. It surprised my doctor and a tissue was removed for biopsy. It turned out malignant.
What kind of treatments did you pursue and how did you finance it? The best option at that time was to operate on me. The procedure is called Whipple procedure. You may get a better explanation on
this page. I was not liquid at the time this happened. And so, a lot of people helped by raising funds. Some lent me money and I paid as able. It wasn't a joke. For three weeks at Medical City plus everything they did to me, the hospital bill cost almost a PHP 1,000,000.
My surgeon dissuaded me against chemotherapy so I didn't start on it till 2009 when the disease recurred. However, sometime July 2008, I frequented the hospital because I was experiencing back pain which later on resulted in jaundice. Apparently, my gall bladder closed and bile wasn't flowing through. I ended up in a second operation in September.
Then the cancer recurred at the onset of 2009. This time, with a vengeance. It was on Stage 4, with lung and liver metastasis. Chemotherapy was done and when it wasn't working anymore, radiation therapy was next. By the end of August, my body was so tired and weak that I opted for quality of life instead. Anyway, chemotherapy won't be able to help anymore. I started taking herbal supplements.
During the chemotherapy and radiation, money came through my brother who helped finance expenses every treatment and through what I would make through working projects. Needless to say, the Lord sent good and kind souls to help me out with the expenses too. The Lord helped me a lot during these times. Money came in just in time. I never had to beg for money. The Lord provided.
What is the worst part: discovery? Treatment? Side effects? Depression? Thoughts? Or now? My worst part was during Radiation Therapy. At that time, I had no appetite, I had disturbed sleep, I was weak and I was depressed. I never felt so down in my life.
How long did your doctors give you and when did they give you the time frame? My oncologist at that time, Dr. Beatrice Jayme-Tiangco, never wanted to give me a time frame during the treatment days. However, after learning that the tumors increased and multiplied even after two chemotherapy protocols and radiation therapy, I decided to stop treatment altogether and opted for quality of life. That is when she finally said that I didn't have a year. Perhaps not even six months. She told me this 1st week of October, 2008.
But at the end of the day, only the Lord can tell. Yahweh, my Heavenly Father, is the Giver of my life. He too is the Taker of it and only He knows when my time is. Meanwhile, I choose to continue to pray for a miracle. For it is only through it that I will be able to live a little while longer.
What are your days like? For most part, I battle with back ache. The tumor near my pancreas and the recent one on my pancreatic tail are the culprits. When I am in pain, it usually lasts half a day to the whole of it. When this happens, it can be bad. Real bad. I am under pain management and I am taking Oxycontin (opium-based painkiller) and Lyrica.
I eat small frequent meals. Some days, I don't have any appetite. When I do have one, I try to eat as much as I would want to. But my stomach has limited capacity that if I eat a lot, I usually end up with pain.
Other than that, I usually feel good. As if I don't feel sick at all.
I don't work as I used to. I used to photograph weddings but that stopped as soon as the cancer recurred. Cold turkey. I stopped taking in music projects too. I couldn't concentrate hard enough to meet deadlines. I am just able to maintain my work as music editor for the shows
Dear Friend and
Ripley's at GMA7 Network. Thank God for that. It helps maintain my sanity and it pays for the medicines.
I am at home always unless I get bored. Then I'd request to go out. Perhaps go to Quezon City Memorial Park or to the malls. But I can't stay too long because my back would hurt after a long while.
When at home, I read my bible, spend time entertaining visitors, play with my pets or watch movies.
Did you have a bucket list of things to do before you go? Yeah. I tried to make one. Not much, I would say. The usual, I would like to do a lot of traveling, Lord-willing. But after my trip to Singapore last November, I don't think I can travel too far anymore. It was a four-day trip with childhood friends but I ended up being sick half of the time. I was jaundiced by Day 3 and when I came home to Manila, I ended up being confined in the hospital. I left Cardinal Santos with a bag attached to me. It is where my bile goes as my bile duct is closed again.
The more important part of my list is really more of getting me to sit and write Christian songs. But my concentration has been having a real difficult time for the past year. I also would like to blog a lot. Blog about my faith in Jesus Christ and help people find Him in their lives. Those are the important ones on my bucket list. It's because I feel that my life isn't worth it if I had not spent it learning more about Jesus, experiencing Him, having a close relationship with Him and sharing this to others.
For one thing, I do not want to live a wasted life. I have seen so many people live it and I don't want to be one of them.I guess, like the apostle Paul said in his letter to the Philippians, "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." This is my goal these days.
Have you made preparations or a will for the dying? Oh yes. That's the first thing my oncologist told me. Better to fix things while I still can. Would you believe, at age 29, I have already bought for myself a memorial plan and memorial lot? Unfortunately, I invested my money on
Legacy Consolidated Plans and so my memorial plan is now good for nothing. By God's grace, I was able to make some money and partially paid Loyola for my new memorial plan. Initially, I wanted to be cremated but later opted to be buried beside my parents at Loyola Memorial Park in Marikina.
I also had a last will and testament done. I don't have much really. I am not rich. I just want to make sure that the little that I have will go to those whom I want them to go to. Even as simple as my pet cockatiel, Dante, going to my Yaya Aylene and my lovebird, Cricket, to my best friend, Terry. Yes, I can be as OC as that.
I have also made plans as to the kind of memorial service I would like to have down to the clothes I wish to wear.
How do you make yourself go on everyday? Jesus does. Apart from His steadfast love, faithfulness, strength and love, I am nothing.
How would you like people to remember you? As one who is after God's own heart, primarily. As one who cares for people and as one who lived the life God wanted me to live.
What are you going to miss the most? My household. My family and friends. But... I went on and think about it more. When I'm in Paradise, I'd probably be so awed by God's presence, I wouldn't think of those I've left behind so much in a way that I would miss them and want to go back to earth. Perhaps, it would be the other way around. I'd probably be so overwhelmed just being in Paradise that I would want them to be with me instead and we can go spend eternity worshiping the King of Kings.
Anything else? Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts and for being a very supportive friend during this time.
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(Photo: Warner Bros.)
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